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Do you know where your next client will come from? What if you don’t get any inquiries? How will you pay rent?
When resources and opportunities are scarce, this can breed desperation. When we’re desperate, we’re more likely to compromise on things like our morals or professionalism.
What’s more, Scarcity Mindset doesn’t go away with scale. Even at five or six figures in monthly revenue, the desperation will follow you.
Maybe you’re running a business that brings in a lot of revenue, but you also have a lot of employees to take care of. What if next quarter’s sales are lower? How will you take care of your employees? How will you make payroll?
It doesn’t matter what level you’re at. Scarcity Mindset only ever breeds more of the same. You’ll never get ahead by trying to run from it because it will always catch up with you.
You have to start by making conscious decisions. You have to start with actions. Your mindset has to change even while you’re in the circumstances you don’t want to be in.
Changing the way you think and recalibrating your mindset is what’s going to be the thing that gets you out of the circumstances.
- 05:02 Sean: Ben, the last time we did a podcast on the topic of Scarcity Mindset, I asked you what you thought of when you heard Scarcity Mindset. You said, “It’s being in a place of lacking resources and that effecting your thinking and how you make decisions.” Scarcity Mindset has a practical element to it—we’ve given the examples of food or resources—you have some sort of shortage so you don’t want to be extraneous in your spending and you don’t want to live like you have more resources than you do so you ration them out. You stretch what you have so that it will last a lot longer but you’re always on the lookout for whatever you can get. Today, we’re going to talk about the dangers of Scarcity Mindset. There are several negative side affects of being in a Scarcity Mindset that you have to look out for.
Scarcity Mindset Affects Your Decisions
- 06:32 Ben: Circumstantially, a scarcity of resources doesn’t necessarily mean we have to have a Scarcity Mindset about our circumstances. If you’re in difficult circumstances where you don’t have a lot of resources, a Scarcity Mindset will cause you to hold back. It shuts down your creativity. You go into lizard-brain mode, where your brain puts more resources to surviving than into creativity and higher thinking. For people who get out of Scarcity Mindset, being in difficult circumstances can be good because it prompts creativity. It’s seen as a challenge to overcome, not something that will defeat them. A lot of great innovations have come out of circumstantial scarcity from people who were not in a Scarcity Mindset.
- 07:43 Sean: It’s not that Scarcity Mindset is good, it’s that circumstantial scarcity can breed creativity. On the other side of that, a danger of Scarcity Mindset is that it breeds compromise. Compromise in your morals, your values, and your professionalism. If you’re desperate and you’ll take on anything, at any cost, it will often result in compromise on these things that would otherwise mean something to you. If you compromise when things get tough, maybe it means these morals and values don’t mean something.
- 08:28 Ben: Scarcity Mindset doesn’t care about your values. Your values may be completely opposite from the way you’re acting because you’re allowing yourself to be influenced by a Scarcity Mindset.
- 08:46 Sean: Scarcity Mindset changes the way you think and it changes the decisions you make.
- 08:55 Ben: If you’re in a life or death situation, where there was only one crumb of food left and it’s either you feeding your child or giving it to another person, your values might completely go out the window just so you can survive. Scarcity Mindset is a version of that, though not as extreme, but in a lot of ways we fabricate this idea in our minds that our reality is, “Eat or be eaten.” We think we have to cut corners, otherwise we won’t survive. The more you think and behave that way, the more you believe it.
- 10:06 Sean: Scarcity Mindset also stunts long-term growth. It’s immediately focused on the things that are happening right now. It’s getting from today to tomorrow and doing whatever it takes to get to that point. The other problem with Scarcity Mindset is it’s habit-forming. Practicing Scarcity Mindset is limiting. It keeps you focused on the short-term and it stunts your long-term growth. You’re only practicing being able to get to the very next thing and once you’re there, you’re in Scarcity Mindset again. You’re never actually getting ahead of it.
- 10:57 Ben: That can be so detrimental too. Let’s say, circumstantially, you make your way out of scarcity but you’ve done so with a Scarcity Mindset. You’ll carry that into what you’ll look at as circumstantial abundance but still suffer the consequences of having a Scarcity Mindset, which is feeling anxious all the time and feeling like you have to compromise on your values. We’ve talked about how important it is, as a person pursuing your passion, not to put so much pressure on your passion that you end up killing it. You should use The Overlap Technique and get a day job to cover your bills but:
Having enough resources is not a cure for Scarcity Mindset.
Scarcity Mindset has to be dealt with independent of your circumstances.
- 12:17 Sean: How are you going to create distance between yourself and Scarcity Mindset if Scarcity Mindset only ever breeds more of the same? You can’t get ahead of it because it will always catch up with you. You have to start by making decisions and you can’t let your circumstances effect the way you think or the mindset you have. It has to start with decisions and the mindset, even when the circumstances aren’t what you want them to be. That’s when you need to start it! You can’t say, “Well, once the circumstantial scarcity goes away, then I can stop thinking in these terms.” Getting out of Scarcity Mindset is what’s going to get you out of circumstantial scarcity.
- 13:01 Ben: If that’s the way you’re thinking, you’re never going to get out of it. Even if you do get out of it and into more abundant circumstances, you’re not going to feel the benefits of it because you’re still in that Scarcity Mindset.
- 13:17 Sean: Even if someone is not in circumstantial scarcity, they could still have a mindset of scarcity, but it’s the same thing the other way around: you can be in circumstantial scarcity and still have a mindset of abundance. It may not be manifesting itself, but that mindset is what will get you out of the circumstances you’re in. That’s something you have to choose right now. You have to decide right now to start thinking this way, even when you’re in the circumstances you don’t want to be in because that’s what’s going to get you where you want to be circumstantially.
- 14:05 Ben: I can see people listening to that and thinking, “That sounds great but how do I get out of that mindset? How do I turn off that lizard-brain and reactivate creativity when everything around me points to failure and destruction?”
- 14:24 Sean: We’re not simply saying, “Change the way you’re thinking, pretend you have unlimited resources, and Make decisions based on that.” It’s good to live within your means, but it’s bad to allow Scarcity Mindset to make you shortsighted.
- 15:12 Ben: It’s like the ostrich—they put their heads down into the sand. Ignoring the reality of your circumstances is extremely dangerous. There’s a difference between accepting the reality of the scarcity of your circumstances and having a Scarcity Mindset. You can look at your circumstances and say, “This is what it is,” without allowing it to cause you to feel despair, defeat, or hopelessness. I want to know how I can get past that despair and defeat.
Creating Financial Padding
- 15:51 Sean: The goal is to have an Abundance Mindset but that looks scary when you’re in the deep part of Scarcity Mindset. You want to be in this totally different place and it seems so far away. I wouldn’t jump to getting into Abundance Mindset, you have to dig yourself out of Scarcity Mindset first.
You have to say no to Scarcity Mindset before you can say yes to anything else.
- 16:23 If you feel like you can’t do the things you want to do, you can’t afford to make certain decisions, or you can’t afford to take on the right type of clients you may need to create some financial padding for yourself. You may need to give yourself some freedom to say no to the wrong clients, opportunities, people, or opinions of you. You have to put yourself in the position where you have the credits to be able to say no to those things. You have to have the padding to do that and if you don’t, step #1 is creating that padding and freedom. Most likely in order to be able to do that, you’ll have to start saying no to things in your life. You’ll have to start cutting things out of your life, eliminating time-wasters and negative people.
- 17:58 What are you doing? What are you consuming? What are you allowing into your life that affects your thinking? What are you making? What are you working on? What are you distractions? You’re going to have to cut some of those out and focus on creating that padding, and that may mean getting a day job. That may mean quitting your current day job that you hate and drains you to find a better day job as a foundation (Related: e086 Why You Should Quit Your Job & e102 Why It May Be the Wrong Time to Pursue Your Passion). You have to start with getting out of Scarcity Mindset, which means saying no to other things and cutting things out of your life that are harming you, stunting your growth, holding you back, and preventing you from the freedom you need to be able to make these choices.
- 19:16 Ben: If you’re in a job that’s holding you back or if you need to get a day job, a Scarcity Mindset can still put you in a compromising position. Before you can even make that padding for yourself, you have to deal with the Scarcity Mindset. I like what you said about saying no but it be beneficial, when you hear those statements your mind will make in a Scarcity Mindset, like, “If I don’t take this job, I won’t be able to pay my bills this month,” to say no to those things and speak the opposite as a preliminary step.
- 20:20 Hint at the possibility that there’s a different path you can take, then follow up with an action that solidifies that thought. In your example, you said to take stock in your life and look at the time wasters so maybe scarcity has to do with time for you. “I don’t have time to look for a job,” is the thought coming from Scarcity Mindset so you should say, “No, I’m going to make time to look for a job,” and you follow up with an action by looking at your schedule to cut things out from to make time for looking for a job. The combination of saying it to yourself and following up with an action is really important in moving away from a Scarcity Mindset.
- 21:20 Sean: In the chatroom, Kyle asked a question that seems to resonate with a lot of peoples, “How do you fight the feeling that you’re doing something wrong because clients A) don’t come through, or B) most are wrong for you? I’m fighting Scarcity Mindset because of how many requests I’m turning down or simply don’t go through.”
- 21:42 Ben: I’m right there with him. That’s exactly what I’m going through right now.
- 21:54 Sean: First, I want to tell him he’s doing the right thing by sticking to his guns and by not going into Scarcity Mindset by taking on these clients, even if he’s worrying about where the next client is going to come from.
- 22:08 Ben: I’m in a similar situation. It seems like not a lot of people are coming through my website and the ones that end up making requests don’t fit my standards, so I’m having to turn work down. In some cases I’m doing the Full Price Or Free thing. The problem with this is that it’s not generating the income that I want and that’s the scarcity I’m having to fight. I’m realizing it doesn’t take however long you’ve been doing logo design or icon design, it’s how long you’ve been purposefully selective and putting out purposeful work—which takes years—and then you start to get the clients rolling in who fit your process and will pay you what you’re worth. It takes a lot longer than I originally thought.
Don’t Kill Your Passion
- 23:30 Sean: I heard the classic Warren Buffett quote again the other day, “The difference between successful people and very successful people is very successful people say no to almost everything.” I’ve heard it before but it resonated this time. You’re going to have to say no to almost every client. Not 50%. Not 75%. You can say yes to them and be successful, but do you want to be successful or do you want to be very successful? That’s the difference. It’s going to take a lot of time if you want to build up a professional agency or freelance business. It has to be built on selectivity and that selectivity is going to be what breeds your high-quality portfolio, which will bring on even better clients. If you’re going to build up a high-quality portfolio of very selective clients, it will take a long time.
- 25:04 That’s where the Overlap Technique comes in. You have to decide: how much do you care about this thing? How much do you care about not killing your passion for this thing? You get to a place where you’re tired of saying no to almost everything. You just want to do a job, get paid, and do what you love. How much do you love it and do you love it enough to support that selectivity with a day job? That may be what’s required. You might need to get day job to continue building this with selectivity and allowing it to grow organically so as not to kill the passion for it.
- 25:56 Ben: If things are financially scarce or you’re not seeing the requests you want to see, continue making things of high quality that you love during the time you have set aside for it. See it as an investment. You’re investing by creating things that future potential clients will see. Those clients are more likely going to be a fit for you because you’ve demonstrated the kind of work you want to do.
- 27:06 Sean: The other thing I wanted to mention is the Trifecta: client work, products, and teaching (Related: e080 Making A Living With The Trifecta Part 1 of 3: Client Work, e081 Making A Living With The Trifecta Part 2 of 3: Products, & e082 Making A Living With The Trifecta Part 3 of 3: Teaching). You don’t have to be doing all three at once but those are the three best ways to make a living doing something you love to do. Client work is probably the easiest and if not the easiest, it’s at least the most short-term. It’s the quickest way to get some cash.
- 27:51 Ben: As true as that is, when I look at your success, Sean, it appears that the bigger clients you worked with came out of the woodwork when you were consistently creating stuff you loved on your own, which you also used on your products. I look at some of the pieces you made prior to the higher-dollar clients that were willing to go through your process, and I think to myself, “It makes sense just to make things of high-quality that you love and maybe use some of it as products.”
Teaching Builds Credibility
- 28:41 Sean: If you’re having difficulty making ends meet with just client work, you may want to start branching out. I wasn’t going to suggest products next because products require upfront investment but teaching you can do for free. You can write, record videos, or record podcasts. There’s a little bit of cost in those but there’s ways to do it inexpensively. Teaching is the best way to grow your audience. It’s going to be the fastest way to get people in. The nice thing is even if you’re doing self-initiated work and you grow an audience who want to learn from you, not hire you to do work, you’re still building up your credibility and you’re establishing yourself as an authority, which is more attractive to clients. When they come across someone that looks more established, it’s someone they want to hire. Teaching can help indirectly benefit your attracting more of the right type of clients.
- 30:07 Ben: For Kyle, who does icon design, let’s say he teaches some aspect of icon design and the audience he gains from that are people who are aspiring icon designers. How does that bring potential clients to him, if his audience is comprised of people who are more or less doing the same thing?
- 30:42 Sean: Aaron Dowd is a classic example of this: he teaches people how to podcast and the people who want podcasts edited come across his site. They look at his blog and videos and they don’t even have to go through all of it, they just see the fact that it’s there. Obviously, this guy knows what he’s doing. He’s exemplifying it on his blog and he’s showing that he’s knowledgable. The clients who aren’t there to learn see that he’s knowledgable so they hire him. When you teach other people, you not only build up an audience for yourself, which makes you more credible and gives you a platform to sell products or courses, it indirectly boosts your client work.
- 31:36 Ben: I’m being facetious, but what if I fabricated a bunch of courses and videos on my website and it was hidden behind a paywall? It would give the facade of me teaching to potential clients.
- 32:07 Sean: That might be marginally successful but none of that will speak as loudly as a 4,000 word blog post or case study on your site. You’ve got to put it out there and show them.
- 32:28 Ben: There’s so much power in having that content also. People say you’re crazy for doing shownotes and transcriptions for your videos the way you do, but the amount of indexable content you have for searches puts you at the top of the list for the fields in which you’re working. You can’t underestimate the value of that. You also can’t underestimate the value of what you learn from communicating, writing, and speaking. All of those little benefits add up to be really powerful when it comes to working with clients.
- 33:26 Sean: In the chat room, Aaron Dowd says, “People want to hire people that have demonstrated their skill. It eliminates uncertainty, which clients hate.” Clients hate uncertainty and they want to see demonstrated skill.
What if I Never Get Out of Scarcity Mindset?
- 33:44 In the chat room, Eric asks, “I fear that I’ll never be able to transition out of the day job without going into scarcity. Do you still advise that people do the Overlap Technique, even if it takes decades to do?” First of all, it’s likely not going to take that long if you’re really applying yourself. I don’t think it will take you decade if you’re applying yourself to it but hypothetically, do you want to be in a job you don’t like or do you want to be doing something you enjoy doing to support yourself?
- 34:33 Even if you never make it to the point where you can sit back and do whatever you love to do or don’t do anything, and you don’t have to worry about your bills because they’re paid, but what if you could at least support yourself working hard towards that? I don’t know about you but I would rather wake up and work hard toward my own goals and my own future that I set, regardless of how long it takes. That light at the end of the tunnel is such a better life to wake up and live every single day than working at a dead-end job where you know that you’re not going anywhere. Where you know you’re going to wake up the next day and hate it, and be drained by.
- 35:38 Ben: I definitely think it’s a better way to live and I’m not sure if this is true for you, Eric, but if you’re asking the question, “What if, once I get out of my day job, I’m not able to hold myself together enough to not take on the wrong type of clients? What if it takes years or my entire lifetime?” it means that you’re going to end up being paralyzed. You won’t do anything because you’re trying to go over the worst-case scenario in your head and it will keep you from taking any kind of action.
- 36:30 Sean, you talked about the light at the end of the tunnel and I like the idea of looking toward something but there is a great reward in getting up and going to a job you don’t love so you can make time for something you love and work toward it. There’s a feeling of accomplishment in that. Even if I never get to the light at the end of the tunnel, I can take joy in the work I’m doing right now in the moment because I’m working toward something, instead of asking that question and not taking any action.
- 37:17 You’ve got the Lambo Goal and some people have a goal so big, relative to their circumstances, it will be a once in a lifetime goal. They’ll be patient in seeing that goal through and they won’t force it to happen or take shortcuts because it’s a big goal. Sometimes, we’re so short-term and rewards-oriented in our thinking that we end up feeling like, “If this doesn’t happen for me next year or within this decade, then something is wrong.” Really, a decade is a long time but in the span of a lifetime, it’s relatively short when you think about the actual size of your goals.
- 38:23 Sean: When you think about how recent a decade ago feels, it really wasn’t that long ago. The older you get, the more recent that’s going to seem too.
It’s Not About Arrival, It’s About the Journey
- 38:45 Ben: Sean, what if you didn’t get your lambo until you turned 85?
- 38:49 Sean: I think about this pretty often and I was thinking about it yesterday: it’s not about a car for me. It’s a cool goal to have but there’s so many ways to get a cool car sooner if that’s really what it’s about. It’s not about that. Sometimes, I think about how weird it’s going to be to reach my big goal because it really is so much about the journey for me. Maybe the lambo is the light at the end of the tunnel but I enjoy the head-down work of going through the tunnel. Every day I wake up and I enjoy what I do. I enjoy what we’ve built here with the Community and putting content out that helps people. It might take a decade and you can probably plan on it taking a few years. There’s no set point when you’ve “arrived” or you’ve “made it.”
- 40:12 You shouldn’t even be focusing on when you “made it.” It’s not about that. You’re going to keep improving and you’ll keep getting further the more you work at it. Once you’re out of the day job and you’re working on your own business, for someone who’s stuck in the day job thinks, “Man, you’ve made it. You’re working at your own business.” Depending on where you are, from everyones’ perspective, there’s different points of having “made it.” The guy who’s in the day job thinks you’ve made it but you’ve just received your last paycheck from your day job and you don’t know where the next one is coming from.
- 41:00 You’ve got some savings and one client and you’re hoping you get more jobs next month but you don’t know. You’re not thinking about how far you’ve come and that you made it out of the day job. You took that leap into the unknown where resources are scarce. No matter what point you’re at, it’s always going to be a leap. Even if someone has six figures in savings, it’s still a leap for that person (Related: e155 Freeing Yourself From Golden Handcuffs).
- 41:40 Wherever you’re at, you’re focused on the next thing. First it’s like, “I just want to get to the place where I know I have enough client work every month to pay my bills,” then it’s like, “I just want enough work to work 40 hours a week instead of 80 hours a week and still be able to pay my bills,” then it’s, “I want to work 30 hours a week to pay my bills,” and then it’s, “I want my residual income to pay my bills whether I wake up and work or not.” It’s always something and there’s always the next thing.
- 42:15 Ben: The next thing—those rewards and those goals—serve a purpose in creating movement but it’s not about where you arrive, it’s about movement. Whether you’re talking about Scarcity Mindset or a big goal like a Lamborghini, you’re successful when you’re moving. You’re not successful when you’ve arrived. You’re not even successful when you’ve gotten yourself out of Scarcity Mindset or you’ve gotten yourself out of circumstantial scarcity. Success is when you start moving and doing things. There has to be some goal you’re working toward when you’re putting your head down and working but the work itself is what brings you fulfillment. You can feel so much fulfillment in the way things are right now because of your commitment to the work and the joy you take in doing it.
- 43:40 Sean: You’re going to fight Scarcity Mindset at every level. Eric says he isn’t sure if he could ever leave his job and do his own thing without going into scarcity, but you’re always going to experience scarcity. Every time you get out on the battlefield, you’re going to fight scarcity, it doesn’t matter what level you’re at. My business makes between $20,000 and $30,000 a month and yet, I still fight Scarcity Mindset every day. You might think, “What do you mean? Sean, you’ve made it.” I still fight it because at every level there’s something. Now, I have five employees with payroll that will often times be above what our monthly revenue is because of the fluctuation of income. I have some savings and projects planned for this year but it’s scary. It’s scary to know I’m supporting people’s livelihood. Payroll has to be met whether we make the money or not. That’s scary!
You can be in Scarcity Mindset at any level, that’s why you have to learn to fight it.
You have to learn to think in terms of abundance, regardless of your circumstances.
- 45:24 You can’t afford to think in terms of scarcity because it only breeds more of the same. It doesn’t matter if you’re stuck in a hole or if you’re making tons of money, you can still be in scarcity. You have to learn to think differently regardless of your circumstances. One of the best ways to get yourself out of Scarcity Mindset, regardless of your circumstances, is to teach others. Teach others what you do, how to do what you do, the first steps, and the advanced steps. Teach people about Scarcity Mindset even.
- 46:18 Sure, let them listen to this podcast but then write a blog post about Scarcity Mindset and be the second person they hear it from (Related: e153 The Magic of 7). Write about the dangers of Scarcity Mindset and how to overcome it, even if you’re dealing with it—especially if you’re dealing with it—because it’s going to internalize it for you. One of the best ways to learn it and let that mindset sink in is to teach other people because you’re going to hear yourself say the words, you’re going to write the words, and your fingers are going to type the words. That’s going to engrain it for you.
- 47:16 Ben: If you’ve ever seen the move the Matrix—spoiler alert if you haven’t—Neo gets really good at fighting the agents. Every time he goes into the Matrix, it doesn’t matter what level of proficiency he has with fighting, the agents show up and he has to deal with them. Throughout the movie, there are more and more of them and by the end of the movie, there’s billions. In the first movie, he’s just trying to avoid them but after that he keeps getting better at fighting them. That’s what you do: you know Scarcity Mindset is going to try to attack you, regardless of where you are. Your job isn’t to try to avoid it, your job is to get good at fighting it. You know when Scarcity Mindset shows up that you can recognize it for what it is and say, “So we meet again.”
- 49:32 When I was growing up, I was bullied a lot. My parents moved around a lot and got divorced so I wasn’t always in the same place, but from that experience I learned that no matter where you go, there’s always going to be a bully. I would always try to avoid it but by eleventh grade, I learned that if you don’t face those bullies, they’re not going to go away. It didn’t mean getting in a fight but it did mean standing up and saying, “I’m not ok with people treating me this way.” I think it applies to the Scarcity Mindset thing because it’s always going to come at you and you’ve got to stand up to it. You have to get good at fighting it.
Surround Yourself With Positive People
- 50:52 Sean: Part of knowing that every single time you need to stand up to Scarcity Mindset is it’s breeding that kind of thinking within yourself and doing that even when you don’t feel like you want to. Even as an introvert, I’ve got to keep coming back to the people you surround yourself with—the people you allow to influence your thinking. The three groups of people:
- People who are driven.The people who are fighting Scarcity Mindset and trying to do what they love to do and they’re trying to teach others. They’re positive and they have forward momentum.
- People who want to be driven. The people in the second group don’t feel like they’re in the first group yet, but they want to be. They want to be able to think that way and they aspire to.
- People who don’t care. The third group of people doesn’t know what group they’re in and they don’t care.
- 52:42 My question for you is: which group do you identify with, and what group would your closest friends be in? The people you’re closest to will pull you wherever they are. If they’re in Group 2 or Group 3, they’ll drag you down and you’ll stay there. You want to position yourself around Group 1 people. If you’re already in Group 1—I consider myself to be there—you still need to be with Group 1 people to maintain it. I need to maintain that mindset and that momentum because I don’t want it to die out. I say that even as an introvert! I don’t always like being sociable but the people I do hang out with need to be those Group 1 people because they’re going to keep me accountable, hold me to my commitments, keep me moving forward, and keep me positive.
- 54:01 They’re going to prevent me from thinking of things in terms of scarcity, otherwise they’re going to drag me down. You need to get around the right type of people and you have to stop hanging around the wrong type of people. I honestly don’t think it’s in your best interest to try to convert the wrong type of people. I think you should try to position yourself around the right type of people and others will follow you. The more you try to convert them, the more they’re going to pull you down. It’s easier to pull someone down into a hole than it is to pull someone out from a hole.
- 55:02 I’m constantly encouraged by the people in the seanwes Community. I was kind of down yesterday and it wasn’t as productive of a day as I would have liked so I was talking things through in the chat and I was texting Cory Miller. He encouraged me by saying, “I saw that you got some things done today. Even if it’s not everything you wanted to do, don’t feel bad.” In the chat room, Sarah said, “When you’re as driven and productive as you are, it’s hard not to compare the days when you’re not and it’s hard not to feel bad about that but don’t. You can’t always have the very best of days and it’s ok.” I was talking to Cory and told him that I can’t stay down with this Community and he said, “Tell me honestly, that was secretly why you made this place, right?” Honestly, I had no idea what this would become.
- 56:44 It was just me getting a bunch of emails from the people who listen to this podcast, having great discussions there that no one else got to benefit from. Every single day in the Community chat, there are awesome, encouraging conversations that everyone else gets to benefit from! Originally, it was just over email so I thought I would make some forums where like-minded people could come together and talk about this stuff. I thought we’d be ambitious and stream the podcast, where people would want to chat. Then, they started hanging out even when we weren’t live streaming so we grew it and built a new chat system. There’s some awesome features and I had no idea what it would be. I can’t imagine my life without it now. I can’t imagine it any other way. The only thing crazier than how far we’ve come in the past year is how things will look in a year or two from now.
- 58:06 All that to say the Community is a fantastic place to be and has fantastic people to be around but regardless of whether it’s the seanwes Community or something else, get around positive people. Even if it’s another online community! I would rather have you, the listener, be around positive people—whoever it is—than not. If I can help you find those people, then awesome, but it doesn’t have to be this Community. It could be people in your life. More than likely, you know people that are driven and positive and you’re not hanging out with them or reaching out to them. You don’t have a reoccurring event on your calendar where you have coffee with them and maybe you’re hanging around the wrong type of people instead. Getting with those people is one of the biggest things you can do to get outside of the Scarcity Mindset.
Limit Your Exposure To Others’ Negativity
- 59:03 Ben: In the chat room, Destiny says, “What if you can’t help being around those in Group 2 or 3? I live with Group 2 or 3 people and I find myself avoiding conversation with them because there’s such a gap between my goals and my abundance mindset and they’re state. It’s the complete opposite.”
- 59:42 Sean: Family is very important but you also have to look out for yourself. You have to take care of yourself and often times, your family isn’t going to be the ones to take care of you in that sense. They, most likely, want what’s best for you. In most cases, they’re there for you and you can always go back to them. I know that’s not always the case for everyone but you want to think that your family wants what’s best for you. In a lot of cases that is true but if your family is in Group 3, their idea of security for you is based on their own Scarcity Mindset and limited thinking. That may look like, “I care about you. I want you to be safe. You need to do this safe thing. You need to stay in this job you hate that’s making you miserable. You need to take this other route that will be a sure path. Whether or not that’s the path you want to take in life, at least it’s sure.”
- 1:02:01 They don’t want to mess with the uncertain because uncertain means going into the unknown and the unknown isn’t safe. They want you to be safe because they’re your family member. A lot of times, they’re coming from a very good place but if they’re in the wrong group, that advice isn’t always the best advice for you. They’re not always going to see what your aspirations and ambitions are. This is the harsh part: you have to look out for yourself. You have to take care of yourself. At the end of the day:
Your closest friends and family might spend 2.5% of your entire life with you.
The rest of your life is something only you live.
- 1:02:00 You’re living your life and sometimes you do need to cut family out. I’m not saying to be rash but I’m saying you do need to limit how much you allow their advice and thinking to affect the decisions you make. I don’t mean disassociate yourself from them.
- 1:02:35 Ben: There’s protecting yourself and there’s also running away from something that might occur somewhere else. It’s easier to get away from people like your parents or your friends, but what if it’s your spouse or someone you can’t physically be away from? I agree with you that family is important and you need to equip yourself with the understanding that they’re in that group. That will automatically help you discount what they’re saying and you also have to offset the negativity in your life with positivity. You do that by spending time with people that are positive. That’s one way to look at it instead of just cutting those people out of your life. You can scale back, still maintain healthy relationships, and allow yourself to be in a more positive space by offsetting the negativity you have to experience in your life.
- 1:04:50 Sean: I tend to go to the extreme a little bit. In my mind, I hear that and I think it’s like being on a jet ski with a big anvil tied to your ankle and you’re saying, “Let’s just give the boat a little more throttle.” If the boat had more throttle and you didn’t have the anvil, then you’d be going even faster! I look at the negative things that are pulling me down and I want to get away from them but I also realize that family is family. You can’t be that extreme or black and white, so I like your advice and perspective: to the degree of negativity you have to deal with in family or relationships you want to offset it with positivity.
- 1:05:47 Ben: You can’t put a general statement over it, it really is a case-by-case thing. Some people are still living with their parents or someone’s parents might need to live with them because of some situation. There could be any number of scenarios but you just have to equip yourself with the tools necessary to combat Scarcity Mindset when you have to be around other people who think that way instead of running away from it.
- 1:06:19 Sean: In the chat room, Moataz says, “Moving away can make your relationship closer,” and I wanted to use that point because it may be the advice someone needs. If you’re younger, living at home, and your parents are the Group 3 type people that are holding you back and they tell you that you need to go the tried-and-true route of going into debt, going to college, and getting a corporate job because that’s what we’ve always done, maybe that’s not what you want. Maybe you have something different in mind but you’re feeling limited by that.
- 1:06:57 That doesn’t mean you should cut your parents out of your life but identifying that they’re in Group 3 will help you recognize where they’re coming from so you can evaluate what they say objectively. Moving away a lot of times can really be a healthy thing. There’s less emotional ties when you’re not living with someone. When you come back and build a different kind of relationship with them, that can be a really good thing. I don’t want people to think we’re telling them to write off their family.
- 1:08:06 Ben: You shouldn’t write off your family or never talk to them again, nor should you feel obligated to stay in a situation that’s not healthy. That’s the distinction that’s helpful, asking yourself, “Is this a healthy relationship?” When you focus on the aspect of a relationship being healthy, then sometimes the healthiest thing for a relationship is moving away and putting some distance between you and the other person so they can stop relating to you as someone you once were, and start seeing you for who you are today. The health of relationships is a good thing to focus on because it helps you to look more objectively at what would be best in that relationship.