Speaking Positively to People
I like straightforward things and I like logic. I like repeatable concepts that can be used and reused, and I like things that make sense.
It seems like if you do something right, you should be rewarded and if you do something wrong, corrective measures should be used. Maybe these concepts do work on a simple level, but what I’ve come to find is there’s a lot more to this puzzle.
For instance, let’s say your spouse isn’t being the most kind and loving person. According to the logic I just talked about, that seems like a case where you’d say, “Hey, this is not good. We need to take corrective measures here.” Maybe you do need to but in the long term, you don’t want to only correct problems, you want to lead towards the ideal.
In the long term, you don’t want to only correct problems, you want to lead towards the ideal.
This was the illogical part for me because it seems like if someone wanted to be treated like the person they wanted to be, then they needed to actually be that person! This is where it’s counterintuitive because in reality it often works the other way around. You want to speak positively to people.
When you speak to someone as if they are the person that they want to be, that is how they will come into being that person.
I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t immediately recognize this at first when it came to relationships. It took me observing it within a professional context to really internalize it.
See, when I first got into the design industry I wasn’t very professional. I became professional by putting myself around people who were professionals.
These people talked like professionals and they spoke to me as if I was a professional. It was never, “Once you’re a professional, you’ll do things this way,” it was, “You do things a certain way because you are a professional.”
It’s a very slight shift in language but it makes all the difference. It’s the treatment of someone as if they already are who they want to be. They feel this sense of coming into and living up to their true self.
I wasn’t a full professional then and I’m not even 100% professional yet, as I believe professionalism is an ongoing journey, but I was a professional the moment I decided to be. I was able to decide to be one when I felt as though I was being treated like one.
Once I realized this with professionalism, I recognized that it’s also true in life. It’s the case with your spouse, your friends, and your colleagues. You want to treat people as if they already are the person they should be—the person they want to be.
Let’s Flip This Around
So I’ve been approaching this from the perspective of speaking positively to others, but let’s flip this around for a moment. I want to focus on you.
You are a product of your environment:
- You will believe what you consistently think.
- You will believe what you consistently say.
- You will believe what those around you believe, think, and say.
Who are you surrounding yourself with?
I’m not saying because you’re experiencing self-doubt and anxiety right now that you’re around the wrong type of people, but maybe you’re simply not around the right people.
Finding the Right People
Go places and put yourself in situations where the right type of people are going to speak positively to you.
If you’re hesitant, struggling, wanting to start your own business, wanting to take things to the next level. If you want to launch something, if you want to stay focused––that’s exactly what I made the Community for. It’s a membership site that’s essentially a digital watercooler.
We have 24/7 chat along with a mobile app so you can get immediate feedback and direct access to people who want to encourage you and keep you accountable.
How many times have you wished you could get immediate feedback or critique on your designs or wanted to run a potential business idea or product by someone?
It’s an awkward position, right?
Do you tweet it and sit around waiting for replies? Maybe it’s somewhat sensitive and you don’t want to post it publicly. Do you wait until next week when you have that coffee meeting scheduled? What if you need more that one person’s advice? Do you send a Hail Mary of an email to people and hope they respond?
- What if you could get that immediate feedback and critique from someone who isn’t afraid to give you straightforward input, but has your best interest in mind?
- What if they could do that while still speaking positively to you and not discouraging you from continuing?
- What if you could have all of that immediately at virtually any time?
That’s exactly what the Community is.
The Community is a place where you can find like-minded individuals who are going through the same things you’re going through, who have already gone through those same things, are there to encourage you, and are willing to help you.
I also make myself available there too. I do my best to engage in the comments and on Twitter but as we keep going with seanwes tv it’s going to get more and more difficult, especially as I continue to get dozens of emails a day. But I make a point to prioritize the community and make myself available there, so it’s a good way to get more real-time, direct access to me.
The point I’m wanting to make with this video is two-fold:
- You want to speak to people as if they are the person they want to be.
- You want to position yourself around people who are going to do that for you.
The first one is something you can choose to do right now. The second one is something you’re going to have to find.
That doesn’t have to be the Community, it can be a small group you have in your own city where you talk in-person once a week. It could be one other friend who you have accountability meetings with. You just want to find those people and put yourself in a position of being able to receive that kind of positivity.